'In my own experience as a father, I have discovered several simple
devices that can illustrate
to a child's mind the principles on which the modern state deals with
its citizens. You may find
them helpful, too.
For example, I used to play the simple card game WAR with my son. After
a while, when he
thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower
ranking ones, I created a
new game I called GOVERNMENT. In this game, I was Government, and I won
every trick,
regardless of who had the better card. My boy soon lost interest in my
new game, but I like to
think it taught him a valuable lesson for later in life.
When your child is a little older, you can teach him about our tax
system in a way that is easy
to grasp. Offer him, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When he has mowed it and
asks to be paid,
withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 to his younger
brother, and tell him
that this is "fair". Also, explain that you need the other $4
yourself to cover the administrative
costs of dividing the money. When he cries, tell him he is being
"selfish" and "greedy". Later in
life he will thank you.
Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure.
Enforce them arbitrarily.
Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about. Keep
him anxious that he
may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the
feeling that rules are
utterly irrational. This will prepare him for living under democratic
government.
When your child has matured sufficiently to understand how the judicial
system works, set a
bedtime for him and then send him to bed an hour early. When he
tearfully accuses you of
breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can
interpret them in any way that
seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions. This will
prepare him for the
Supreme Court's concept of the U.S. Constitution as a "living
document".
Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo, and then, at the
appointed hour, recline in
an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your
plans. When he screams,
"But you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign
promise.
Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that
this is defense. Tell
him that you must be vigilant at all times to stop any potential enemy
before he gets big
enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at
that moment, maybe, but later in life.
At times your child will naturally express discontent with your
methods. He may even give
voice to a petulant wish that he lived with another family. To
forestall and minimize this
reaction, tell him how lucky he is to be with you the most loving and
indulgent parent in the
world, and recount lurid stories of the cruelties of other parents.
This will make him loyal to
you and, later, receptive to schoolroom claims that the America of the
postmodern welfare
state is still the best and freest country on Earth.
This brings me to the most important child-rearing technique of all:
lying. Lie to your child
constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing--or rather that the
meanings of words are
continually "evolving", and may be tomorrow the opposite of
what they are today.
Some readers may object that this is a poor way to raise a child. A few
may even call it child
abuse. But that's the whole point: Child abuse is the best preparation
for adult life under our
form of GOVERNMENT.